Faith doesn’t always walk or run, sometimes it crawls

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As she awoke that day again feeling helpless, reminded of her condition she starts to cry. Every night she goes to sleep, she prays, she hopes that this torment of twelve years will finally go away. If there was truly a God anywhere, He would save her from this fate. She often wondered if this was how she would die, sometimes she can almost convince herself that death just might be better than this. At least in death she doesn’t have to feel, in death she doesn’t have to put up with the ridicule, in death she can’t hear the whispers circulating every time she turns her back. Her emotions have gotten the best of her this morning, usually she’s a lot stronger than this, usually she’s able to hide what she really feels. This morning however did it for her, she was tired of what she had become and fed up with her failing efforts of what she wanted to be. No one spoke to her, no one helped her when she needed it, she wasn’t a part of a book club, or the real wives of Jerusalem. She was a spiritual pariah and she was tired of being that and desperate to be something else, anything else. She lays back in bed and turns her face to the wall, tears start to roll down her cheeks as she imagines what her life would have been like had she not been sick. Thoughts and memories scroll through her head of a time before her condition, how happy she was and how she had goals for herself. She had real goals, the kind that would make her parents proud. Thoughts like these made the tears sting the back of her eyes as she starts to sob. How weak she had become in just these past few days. She thought she had learned to accept her condition, after all it’s been twelve years. She had learned its pattern and its tendencies. She knew when this condition would be at its’ worst and when it wouldn’t be so bad, but either way, all this reminded her that it might never go away and that dealing with it was something she had to accept.
She hears something outside, it sounded like people chanting, or singing. She wasn’t at all sure what it really was, but it peaked her interest. For a moment she forgot why she was crying and as she slowly gets her face out of the pillow, she starts to wipe the tears from her eyes. The sound she heard was an interesting sound, what she would see as she crawls to her window would be twice as interesting. She saw a Man walking past her gate, the crowd pressed against Him and through the mumbled voices, she could hardly make out what they were saying. Children scurried to the front of the crowd looking for an opening or any opportunity that would allow them to pierce this great throng of people. What was this? Why was she so drawn to this? She had never seen anything like this in the streets of her city and she wanted to know what was happening. She wasn’t suppose to go outside, the laws were clear about that. She slowly pulls the curtain back and was about to return to her bed of despair when she saw Him, it was only a glimpse but that was all she needed to see. Seconds of looking at Him revealed the compassion on His face and somehow deep inside her hope starting pushing, hope cried out to her, hope compelled her. She had heard about this man, the grapevines were flooded with stories of His love. Fear stood up in front of her, doubt counseled her but desperation compelled her. She had tried everything she could think of, sought every advice available. She had spoken to every doctor and tried every remedy and still nothing worked. What did she have to lose? She had a made up mind and yet no strength to match it. Her weakness reminded her that she needed to stay put but she had to make at least one last attempt. Laying on the floor she crawled over to the door. Looking up to the knob, she reached for it. She had made her first move, the all important first move led to her second move. In her mind doubt warned her of what would happen if the crowd saw her but faith yelled “if I could but touch.” Pace by pace she kept moving, it didn’t matter how weak she was, she kept moving, the laws had no bearing on her decision to continue or to discontinue, repercussion couldn’t deter her at this point. Desperation was in a relay and was ready to hand the baton over to faith. Desperation got her out the house but faith had to take her the rest of the way. The closer she got to Him, it seemed like the crowd parted. It looked almost like how clouds would part for the sun to shine. She had a clearer view of Him, she had a straightway towards Him. She wouldn’t call out to Him, she wouldn’t let Him notice her. She didn’t have an invitation to this event, it wasn’t her time, it wasn’t her place but she couldn’t turn around, she couldn’t stop herself. Fear had decided not to accompany her past her gate, doubt was left standing at the door but faith kept going. The closer she got, the stronger she became, the more convinced she was that even though it seemed wrong, it felt right. She was now inches away from Him, in her mind the crowd disappeared, the noise ceased and now it was just her and Him. She was now in reach of what she had been waiting for for twelve long, lonely, agonizing years. It was almost over, she was certain after everything had failed, this will work! With trembling fingers she reached out and caught the hem of His garment and she knew it immediately, she felt it in an instant. Her body shook, virtue entered her and she knew it. He wasn’t suppose to notice, but Jesus turned around and the reprimand she expected to receive wasn’t evident in His eyes. What she saw was compassion, what she saw was love. He looked at her and said “fear not daughter, your faith had made you whole.” He would not let steal this miracle, He wanted her to know that He wanted her to have it.
What are you dealing with today? What have you been dealing with for years? Like this woman, you have reached a point of desperation in your life, a point of no matter whats and I don’t cares. You just want to be free, you just want to be whole. Don’t stay in the house, stop crying yourself to sleep, stop living with your shortcomings and reach out to Jesus. Dispel fear and quiet doubt, get to the point where everyone disappears, every voice is quieted and every circumstance becomes small and the only people in the room are you and Him. Take it now, receive it now…I declare in the name of Jesus that you are FREE!!! God Bless you all. I would love to hear from you, email me at dewaynebarnett@live.com.

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