If you knew everything, would you still love me?


I never realized it at first but relationships can be pretty tricky and confusing at times but one thing it is not is easy or simple. Relationships have complex layers because people in general are of a complex nature. Relationship advice is not a one size fits all deal and the people who think this way oftentimes find themselves applying solutions to problems even when it doesn’t fit. This results in further complications. Consider it this way; if you look at a jigsaw puzzle, all the pieces you see are part of that puzzle, the problem is trying to figure out what pieces connect and what pieces don’t. So yes, relationships experts offers suggestions all the time, but not all advice will strengthen your relationship in fact some can make it worse. Therefore you have to assess your situation, find out what fits and then plug that solution into the problem and see if it works. That’s why relationships are so complicated, because this is not just about you, there are two minds involved, two different upbringings, different past experiences and different personalities, so what helped you in your last relationship may not be very helpful in this your present relationship. Stop applying past solutions that didn’t work in the first place to current problems. 

Just like any relationships, whether professional, casual, friends, marriage or dating there are factors that contribute to the growth of said relationship. One of these factors is communication. This is important because in order for me to learn anything about you, you have to first be able to communicate with me. So these people who have locked themselves away convincing themselves that they are private people find it hard to develop any kind of relationship. They may can fake it for a while, be all up in the conversation but if you listen and watch closely, all they are doing is taking in information and divulging nothing in return. They know all about you and in return you know nothing about them. And asking people to understand your emotions or tendencies without first communicating certain aspects of it to them is quite unfair. Even though this may not be detrimental in a professional relationship, it can end an intimate and personal relationship in a swift and heartbreaking manner. We hear it all the time, communication is the key but the key to what? No relationship comes with a manual and I loathe self help books on the topic because most of the people giving advice tries to explain to you how to save your relationship when they’ve lost a few. Now some people may see this method as effective because they may think after messing up in a few relationships, they now have the necessary knowledge of how to not make a relationship go south. The problem with that is they can only advise you half the way. It’s good to know what not to do, but it is just as good or maybe even more critical to know what to do. Just because you know that the volume button doesn’t turn the television on doesn’t mean you know that the power button does, someone has to communicate that to you. So communication is the key to unlocking the reasons why we are the way we are and the more we understand the people we are with, the more we understand why they act the way they do. When you now understand them fully, you are able to love them effectively. You can then avoid that nasty breakup that goes like this,”you’re not the person I thought you were.” Of course not! You never disclosed to them the kind of person you are, so when you can no longer fake it and the real you shows up, then they are shocked at who they’ve been around for years. Most people walk away from relationships because they just can’t figure this person out and the lack of communication prevents them from ever figuring this person out. A lack of communication makes you misunderstand, a lack of communication makes you compare relationships to past relationships, a lack of communication makes you think everything fits every situation. A lack of communication makes you weak and vulnerable and it keeps you in that state and from that state, insecurity becomes your best friend and when you hang out with insecurity it focuses on you and that leads to selfishness. These factors are the root of every relationship problem there is. If you don’t believe me then just think about it. How is your relationship today? The best advice I can give you is to be willing to communicate. I hate it when someone comes up to me and say something like “guess who I saw today.” There are so many possibilities of who you saw today and if I sat here and guessed then it would take me days and countless attempts just to please you and every wrong answer I get frustrates you and it also frustrates me. No one has time to sit around and guess why you’re angry, or why you’re so insecure when you can easily communicate the reason to them. If you’re the one with the communication problem ask God to help you open up. Now if you’re the one who keeps trying to get them to open up, encourage them and assure them that you are not here to judge but to accept, to learn and to move on. When you now know all you need to know, then you can decide if your love is strong enough to overcome this and help them be the person they want to be, not the person you want them to be. No one is perfect and almost everyone has been in a relationship at one point that has driven them to do something that they wouldn’t ordinarily do.  You have to be willing to understand because encouraging others to open up to you is telling them that you’re willing to understand. God bless you all and I love you all. 

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