I love you; a little bit too late

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They say I should smile more, it looks good on me
But smiles come hard, tears come easy and laughter can sometimes be scarce
Yet I smile and I laugh with an emotionless expression on my face,
Denying myself an opportunity to heal, choosing the emotions I wish to feel
Joy desired but pain prescribed
To heal a heart all torn up inside
This hurt I feel, I dare not describe
Where is true love? It runs and hide
“It’s not me you need,” it says, for the pain to subside
Pain can heal though it seems not that way
Time can heal if our minds can follow
Memories do fade but it needs more than a day
Because it just won’t happen tomorrow
When I wake, it’s all still there, you’re on my mind again
Smiles and tears, regrets and fears that I’ve forever lost my best friend
I dare not move, somehow it seems easier this way,
Laying in the bed all alone, yeah I’m good with that.
I swear in my head are all the words I want to say
Some are good and unfortunately some are bad
I’m not upset, not with you, not the least bit
I had a chance at love but knowing me, I probably missed it
So yeah I feel bad, because it seems like it’s all my fault
The arguments, the tears, the distrust and especially the broken heart
And yeah I want to lay here for a little bit more
I’m on a pathway to heal
The pain’s the same even behind close doors
This pain, this hurt I feel
But day by day as I pick up the remnants of a broken heart
I’ll remember how happy you made me
I’ll use our lessons for a brand new start
I knew nothing about love at first, but now I see very clearly. 




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