I’m still standing-Part I

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After writing my letter to Gavin yesterday, some of my readers inquired as to why I left myself out. My brother even decided to write his own comment to state what he thought of me. I left myself out because I wanted to save it for this post. For the followers who have not been with me when I started this blog back in January, allow me to introduce myself and for those who have been here and have been reading, allow me to open up to you on a more personal and intimate level. As many of you know, my name is Dewayne Barnett and I started this blog out for a few reasons; one was that I had just gotten out of a relationship which I thought the aftermath would be devastating. I’ve experienced breakups and I know that it can bring you to your knees, it can make you cry and it can take all the strength you have even if you’re usually the strong one. I understood this so instead of bottling it up, I decided to write about it. I thought there has to be someone out there that’s going through the same thing I’m going through and feeling the same way I’m feeling. Another reason why I started the blog was because I was at a place spiritually that I had not recognized, I found myself so far from God and yet He was so close to me. So on one hand, I was heartbroken and on the other hand I had been running away from someone who promises to never break my heart. I’m probably going to need to express all this over the next few posts because there is no way I can fully explain to you who I am in one post. I feel in order for you to fully understand why I write the way I write and why I write the things I write, I would have to become transparent so that you can see me for who I am. I am on a journey to destiny, there are parts of my journey where I’ve gotten weak, there are parts where I wanted to give up, but I kept moving no matter how slow I went, no matter how many times I fell..I just kept moving. I feel like I need to herald to the people around me that “I’m still standing.”
Some of you don’t know what I’ve been through for the past 12 years. Some of the people that do know have failed to see the state of hurt and devastation I found myself in because I knew how to hide it so well. I remember getting baptized at a young age because I thought it was the right thing to do. I never knew the pulling that I had in my heart was coming from God. I never knew that the times I spent as a kid with a stick on top of the roof preaching to myself would be an indicator of what God would eventually call me to do. We traveled to the States and attended North Dade Church of God and the first time I went, James Jr, the pastors son was preaching and I thought how awesome he sounded and how he knew a lot. Then came that itch to preach again, I hadn’t felt it since I was a child, I was now 12 at this time. When we started going to North Dade as members, I didn’t know that my life would again change. One night as we were at prayer meeting I stood up and asked for prayers for the young people and Sis. Harris looked at me and said “he sounds like a preacher.” Immediately I thought, there goes that itch again. Before I knew it, everyone was saying that and I found myself getting deeper and deeper into Christ. Yes, I was that kid that walked my school hallways with a Bible in my hand, I was that kid who was always ready to give defense as to the joy that was within me. I was unafraid and unashamed, I joined the Bible club and was appointed president the next year, I couldn’t accept it though because we moved to another school district. While this was going on in school, I was offered an opportunity to preach my very first message at church. I looked to God for a message and He gave me Ezekiel 37, “no more dry bones.” I delivered the message that Sunday night and saw how everyone had been blessed. My crowning moment had arrived, God had given me a glimpse of what He had planned for me. I even remember at age 15, I competed in a National Teen Talent bible teaching event and won first place. I also remember being invited that same year in 1998 to speak a sermonette at the youth convention in Orlando Florida. I wasn’t going to attend because our church wasn’t going that year and I had no way of getting there. My pastor was planning on attending for only a day so I asked him to take me with him. The problem was that he was going only for Saturday and I had to preach on Sunday. I decided I would figure out the details once I got there on how I would handle this dilemma. Saturday evening came and he decides that he’s heading back home. I told him I wanted to stay because I wanted to preach this message. 15 years old, invited to speak at major event and no one from my church was there. This was a huge honor for me and for the first time in my life I realized that not everyone is going to stand when you stand and not everyone is going to be excited for you. All the people who called me preacher man and the people who showed interest in the gift God had given me weren’t there. Here I was in Orlando, Florida by myself at a Radisson hotel that I wasn’t staying at, I had no room to sleep in, no one to talk to and no food to eat. After my Pastor left, I walked around for a few hours until I ran into a lady that used to attend our church, Sis Ewing. She looked at me, hugged me and after I told her what was going on, she invited me spend the night with her and her family. I was going to be able to preach after all. She even found me a ride back home to Miami after the service in a bus I had not paid for, with her church. My God always makes a way! I don’t think anyone understood how hurt I was and for the first time I got a glimpse of what was to be the qualification stage of my journey to destiny. The thing was I had not yet known that who God calls, He also qualifies. At a young age, yes I was able to preach..but how could I tell you how to get over an addiction when I had not experienced an addiction. How can I show you the way out, when I myself have not been in and come out? How can I tell you to hold on, change is coming when I’ve never been in a situation that required me to hold on until change came? Whom He foreknew, He justifies and qualifies and glorifies. I had been foreknown and called, but I had not yet been qualified so I could not yet be glorified. No medical board will allow a doctor to practice medicine without a license. No medical board will admit a doctor into its fraternity without him first facing the daunting challenges of medical school and completing medical school. Every doctor who has been qualified has been given the initials M.D. These initials are so important that if you address them and call them Mr., you will be quickly corrected. This is a key to operate, a key to administer, it’s a key declaring that I am well versed on this subject. I knew at a young age that the qualification had to come and it would come at the time of crowning. That’s when folks who don’t know who you are find out exactly who you are. The crowning moment came and some of the people who used to encourage me was now looking for ways to discourage me. Folks who showed love was no longer giving love. So yes! I was confused because I knew what was inside of me and the internal frustration started to develop within me. I knew what I wanted to become but quickly found out that there would be obstacles in my way on my journey to destiny. This wasn’t going to be easy and over the next few years I would find that out for sure. To be continued……

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