The dreaded holidays

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With it being mid February, I’m in a place I never thought I’d be this quickly. I’ve gone through thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day and just now valentines day without the girl I spent it with a year ago. I honestly did not think I would make it through any of these days without breaking out the classic love songs that makes me feel sad and shed a tear or two. Thanksgiving was tough because she met my parents for the first time on thanksgiving, they absolutely loved her, I absolutely loved her. That thanksgiving in 2011 was our first together, even though we knew and liked each other since 2008. She had already moved to Atlanta and I was suppose to join her there, which I did on thanksgiving. So when the holiday came last year, I started worrying from the weekend before because we were broken up, I knew I wouldn’t see her and I knew she was dating someone else. See, I’m sort of a sentimentalist, I keep things close to my heart by storing memories of them. Thanksgiving came and I can’t even explain to you the agony I felt as soon as I woke up and realized what day it was. It was the first of many major holidays that would fall within the next few months that I had to face without her, so I thought if thanksgiving was this hard, there is no way I can handle anything else. I remembered how nervous she was on the way to my house. She kept asking me if I thought my parents would like her. I told her my mom likes everybody and that she had nothing to worry about. Spending thanksgiving in 2012 without her hit me hard. I missed her, I had hope to spend more thanksgivings with her and this came as a clear indication that that wouldn’t happen ever again. Christmas came around and we didn’t even speak. We spoke the day before and ended it in an argument. Imagine that, after not talking to her for four months, we finally speak the day before Christmas and we ended up arguing. This summarizes our relationship, when we should talk, we argue. My birthday was the day after Christmas, I called her then and there was another argument..we haven’t spoken since. Then New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day came and these were especially tough because we always spend them together but not this year. After New Years I’m thinking I have over a month to get over her before valentines rolls around. I do everything, I find a new hobby, I practice my guitar, I try talking to other girls and none of these prepared me for valentines day. Without even realizing it, I woke up on February 14 and felt nothing. Not contempt, not hurt, not discouragement, as a matter of fact I felt amazing and my day was great. I worried about every holiday we have spent together and when they came around one by one, even though it was hard, I made it through all of them. We have absolute control over what we allow to occupy our minds. If you spend too much time thinking about your ex and what you guys did, you will start to create memories and feelings that weren’t there in the firs place. The happiest thing I’ve ever done was to let go, now I have control over how I feel on thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, New Years and valentines. I wasn’t afraid to move on, I wanted to move on…I knew I would be happy once I moved on, I just didn’t know how to do it. The biggest mistakes we make is to allow memories to lie to us and tell us that we cannot create new memories. I am a strong believer in the fact that people come and go in your life for a purpose, when that purpose is complete they’re gone. You can’t chase after your past, they weren’t meant for you, they were just there to prepare you for who you will meet next. God Bless.

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