I hate change, so I love you

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It’s been about one month now since I spoke to my ex, haven’t seen her in eight months either. What people may not understand about me is that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. It takes a while for me to fall in love with someone even after being with them for a while but when I do..I really FALL. For someone in my position…every break up could possibly be reminder that you might never find love in the way you’ve dreamed of. So for people like me, we take break ups pretty hard. My friends suggest that while I’m trying to get over her, I shouldn’t talk to her..this of course is easier said than done. Because though you wouldn’t admit it to anyone, she constantly occupies your mind and thought process to the point where you don’t even have the motivation to get up and be active. My problem is that I hate change..a new girlfriend, a new city, a new life. I’m used to what I’m used to and I hate messing with it.
I’ve mentioned before that we didn’t have the best relationship…it was more rocky than smooth and it needed to end. So I had to evaluate the situation…I know the relationship wasn’t working, we didn’t have fun anymore, we argued a lot, I got jealous and yet I wanted to stay and even now I still miss her. So I had to search within myself to find out if I felt this way because I truly loved her or I just hated change. I haven’t clearly answered that question yet and even if I had an answer, I probably wouldn’t admit it because I would hate to dilute the memories we had by telling her that it wasn’t for love but for comfort and consistency. We spend a lot of time after a breakup trying to figure out what went wrong and how could we have fixed it. Beating yourself up over a relationship that didn’t work is not gonna make you feel better….hating change won’t stop it from occurring, but when it does come, be objective and keep your eyes open because there could be a blessing there for you. Day by day I’m still working on getting over my ex, it’s not easy..but everyday is a victory and everyday brings me one step closer to putting this behind me. I’ve been in this position before and I got out of it…I know I can do it again. God Bless

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